Letting It Go

My Mom called me last night confirming our date for an outing.

I have been meaning to take both her and Dad to VivoCity, but somehow we never get to do that. So today should be an interesting outing with the intention to buy a larger hamster cage for my parents' 7 "adopted children."

Like the other 3 occasions, this time is no different.

Mom called me this morning to inform that a relative had passed away in the early morning today. She called to tell me the news and to cancel the outing as we had to attend the funeral instead.

In My Memory

I remember him from my childhood days in the village. He name was Pak Asan. It was not of a happy memory for me. It was a bad one which I cannot forget until today.

I remember I was about 10 or 11 years old or so. I had a silly quarrel with his eldest daughter, for name-calling my parents . No punches or hair being pulled, or anything like that. It was more of a "mouthful" confrontation.

She was on top a tree then when I confronted her. Good thing though, or else it would have turned out with punches. I was the brave and angry child who would defended my family's honour. Till this day, I still think it was so silly then.

Pak Asan came to know about it and went to the tree to stop the fight. Without him knowing what it was all about, he stopped it by grabbing my arm and slapping me on the face.

It was a rude shock to me and my elder Sis, who was with me when we confronted her. It was a child's silly quarrel, but he intervened with uncalled physical punishment.

In My Eyes

As a child then, I knew it was not right of him to slap me. In fact, I felt he had no right to do that. He should have brought me to my parents and inform them about it or something, but not slap me. I was not his child.

I do not remember the rest after that. Neither do I remember my parents ever talked to me about it.

I was not sure if I was right or wrong for doing what I did then. I did not hear any news of his daughter being punished the same way he did me.

So I figured he did not tell my parents that he had disciplined me on their behalf. I was sure he was defending his daughter as a father would.

Still I just felt then that it was an unjust verdict on his part. Parents can sometimes not able to exercise objectively, but protectively instead.

I understood that when I became a parent myself. I would not want to interfere with my son's squabbles unnecessarily since they would fight today and ending up playing together the next.

I grew up in that Kampong hating him, not speaking or acknowledging him when we crossed paths in all those years. He disregarded me just the same. It kept going on until we all had to move to the city when the village was taken-over by the government for redevelopment.

In My Past

Years passed by. It was only until I was older and married that I got to see him at a relative's wedding and awkwardly pretended nothing was wrong, everything was forgotten, forgiven. It was in the past, a very long time ago. It should be forgotten, forgiven...

Today, I was at his home in Tampines St 91 with my Dad, my eldest Brother and 2 of my Brother-in-laws paying last respects to him. I was not feeling justice was done, instead I felt guilty for still harbouring anger from an old wound.

I can only pray for him to be safe and in peace in the care of The Almighty.

I should say I should bury the hatchet forever, but it ended-up sounding like a vindictive pun instead. I am not a mean person. I want closure for my own conscience.

I have forgiven him a long time ago. I even have forgotten that I forgave him altogether. I hope he had forgiven me too... even better if he thought nothing of it at all. I just needed to have closure for what happened in my past, so I write this post as a way out.

That is all. It ends here.

And Peace Be Upon Him

PS: After that incident, I somehow became best friends with his daughter all through high school. So close that people in the village thought we were an inseparable couple, ending up marrying each other someday.

We did not, but we are still good friends with children now. Ironic, how things turned out sometimes.

Just a moment ago, she called me on the phone and we talked for a while. She needed to tell about what she went through until his last breath. He succumbed to liver cancer. Undetected until about a month ago when he experienced unbearable pain in this abdomen and had jaundice.

It was terminal and he was given 9 months to a year. He was in hospice care suffering in pain for less than a month... but not any more. He was 66. May Pak Asan rest in peace. Amin.