Friday, August 03, 2007

I Need Fridays

From time to time, I spill out my gut over the internet about my personal state of mind and then live another day to regret doing so... again.

I am talking about my last post Me Versus Monday. And like my posts of such nature, I am here again to explain myself for some cosmic reasons that are oblivious to me.

I know Mondays and any other days are days of the week and that I am the one to make the best of the day, whatever day of the week it is. In my case I blame Monday for something I cannot control. In this case, my clouded state of emotions, not the situation.

I cannot help but feel that as the days go by, so is my career in this place I call work. It is ticking and am I wasting away here. Am I?

All that positive thinking I have instilled in me, in my life seems like a superficial layer of the truth that I have to peel, face and eventually take actions for, as far as this situation is concern.

I cannot say I needed a sign. There have been too many out there shoved in front of my face, but I am not convinced if any of them is the right one.

Yes, my name is in the new organization chart... hurrah!

I guess, they figured I can still contribute. I guess it still is worth their while to keep me but I am not jumping for joy... though otherwise, I will not jump off the building either. Is it worth my while?

That lingering dilemma... Wifey thinks that I should hang-on as long as I can, because I told her I am working honestly as I am being paid to despite the working environment. The money is definitely good...

In the days that followed, many things happened at work. Nothing unusual... the good things, the bad as well. I did my best and addressed the issues at hand with some I have gladly resolved quickly and some before they got out of hand.

There are still this sense of achievement and the same sense of satisfaction I felt throughout the week. I felt I am still good at what I do and I got subtle praises from my superiors for doing a good job... but there is still something deeper that I just cannot finger it on.

This I have to figure it out for myself somehow...

Anyway, how bleak I look at it all this while, on way my to work on Friday, I was a little more than relieved when I saw a rainbow across the morning sky. The first I can remember seeing a rainbow so early in the morning. Nice sight!

The whole day was quiet and went smoothly, even when we had our first department meeting that should have been quite stressful.

Darn it! Is it all a state of mind? Or is it because it was Friday?

I guess I will know it come Monday.


  1. Thanks for the follow-up Imran. I've been thinking about you since your Monday post. You are doing some deep searching. The answer is there, and you will find it. And like you say, you're the only one who can do it. I like to think all of our journeys and struggles are for a reason. I'm sure this one is too. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

  2. Whenever I see a rainbow I feel uplifted, every single time. A rainbow is a ''promise''...


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